Many people struggle to identifynarcissistic personality disorder when it seems this person has such great qualities. At the initial stage of connecting to an individual with narcissistic personality disorder it seemed that this individual could not be a better person.
He or she was loving, thoughtful, caring, attentive, dedicated and incredibly loyal. It is a horrific shock when the cycle of narcissistic abuse appears – where the idealisation ends and the inevitable devaluing and discard begins. Many victims of narcissistic abuse cling determinedly to the person with narcissistic personality disorderhoping the wonderful person will return.
It is true that many narcissistic personalities get worse and worse as time progresses. Once narcissistic supply is secured and the honeymoon is over the abuse intensifies and the ‘loving person’ shows up less and less. The classic narcissistic personality, once the mask has slipped, will detest you feeling good and will attempt to sabotage your life, emotions and self-esteem at many turns.
The same cannot be said about the altruisticnarcissistic personality. The altruistic narcissist will absolutely in times of narcissistic injury – when he or she feels incensed and triggered by you not mirroring back the ‘perfect’ ideal of his or her grandiose False Self – act like every other narcissist. He or she will pathologically lie, avoid all accountability and project his or her behaviour on to you blaming you for all the problems in the relationship.
He or she is also capable of emotional if not literal adultery, smear campaigns andmalicious and vengeful acts to punish. Yet when the altruisticnarcissistic personality is not suffering from narcissistic injury he or she can appear to be a model citizen, totally giving, connected in charities, donating services and will even still attend to you with incredible acts of love, devotion, renewed idealisation and support.
It is very important to understand that the altruisticnarcissist appearing as Mr or Ms Wonderful is howthis narcissist personality gains narcissistic supply. The added advantage of the altruistic method isthe individual with this version of narcissistic personality disorder can claim superiority regardinghow much he or she does for you and how little you do for her and him – and play the martyrto gain further narcissistic supply from family and friends.
Be very aware receiving from a narcissistic personality comes at a very high price. It means forfeiting your personal rights and being controlled and punished with what the narcissist gives to you. This narcissistic personality is very capable of abuse by proxy – attacking you with authorities and inflicting vengeance and financial abuse, and delights in stripping away what was once so ‘generously’ given.