Here's What I Learned After Living Like a Pageant Queen for a Week

Being a pageant queen is probably easy, right? Just get a spray tan and smile a lot? That’s what I thought, but after one week of trying it out myself, I learned it’s actually hard as hell.

After binging Facebook Watch’s new original series Queen America, starring none other than queen herself Catherine Zeta-Jones, I was feeling inspired to give it a go. Yup, that’s right: I decided to train like any serious contestant would for one full week (thankfully, minus the actual competition) to see how I’d stack up.

See, I’m more ice cream and chill than ballgowns and big smiles, but that’s what made the challenge all the more exciting. It was totally out of my wheelhouse, and I’m always game to try something I might (read: will) fail at.

In the show, Zeta-Jones plays a super tough pageant coach helping an unlikely candidate win big, so I clearly needed a fairy godmother of my own. Before starting my week of living like a pageant queen, I consulted Valerie Hayes, the expert pageant coach, for help. She’s been training contestants for over 15 years, publishes a blog full of free advice, and is teeming with positive energy. In the high-pressure pageant environment, you want someone like her in your corner.

Hayes gave me a rundown of everything I’d be doing, and let’s just say it was all way harder than I expected.

Monday: Picking a Gown

Brayden Olson

I was so stoked to start the week out with the most fun part: dress up. This is what I was *really* looking forward to. Most contestants plan their outfits seriously far in advance, and spend months agonizing over colors, patterns, and cuts. But for the sake of journalism, I was willing to make some snap decisions.

Walking into the room of gowns and seeing them all lined up was like something out of a movie. Yes, they really are that sparkly in real life. And yes, you really are encouraged to wear something as loud as possible to shine on stage.

Trying on all the dresses was so fun. Walking in them, not so much. What you don’t see on stage (because pageant girls are legit superhuman who make this look easy) is that walking in high heels and long dresses is an absolute disaster. Every step I’d take in a dress would end up with my heel caught in its lining. When you’re busy trying to remember to smile every so often, forgetting how to walk can throw a huge wrench in things.

Luckily, there were no actual judges watching me, because I’m sure I made some heinous faces every time I hamster-wheeled my own foot into a gown. Yikes, TBH.

Carina wears: Zara ZW Premium Coated Skinny Jeans, $ 49, zara.com; Commando Whisper Tank Bodysuit, $ 68, shopbop.com; Zara Faux Leather Zippered Jacket, $ 69.90, zara.com; Zara Leather Stiletto Heeled Ankle Boots, $ 129, zara.com.

Tuesday: Interview Prep

Brayden Olson

I’ve somehow skated through life without ever having to really interview seriously, so this freaked me out. I’m a pretty casual person, and having to talk about myself without cracking a self deprecating joke for longer than eight seconds is tricky. But obviously, as a pageant queen, you gotta put your best foot forward and can’t rely on tricks, like “Sorry, I’m an idiot!” (My go-to when ideas flop in meetings—so healthy!)

To break the habit, I practiced answering questions about myself while being positive, rehearsing my public speaking in front of the mirror and literally any friends or coworkers who would listen. Anticipating the questions is really difficult, so you need to have answers at the ready for any number of Qs that could be thrown your way.

Carina wears: Sandro Framboise Plaid Wool-Blend Blazer, $ 550, saksfifthavenue.com; Veronica Beard Debbie Crop High-Rise Skinny Jeans, $ 220, net-a-porter.com; Helmut Lang Textured Jacquard Long Sleeve Top, $ 360, saksfifthavenue.com; Aldo Cassedy Heels, $ 90, aldo.com.

Wednesday: Hair and Makeup Trials

Brayden Olson

In theory, this should’ve been a breeze compared to interview prep, but it was just as difficult in its own way. Pageant queens have to do all of their own hair and makeup at these events, and it’s terrifying to know that your look and execution are both being judged.

I had assumed that contestants had teams of hair and makeup people on hand before going out on stage, but nope—it turns out I couldn’t have been more wrong. (Hayes told me that contestants will sometimes be able to use professional help in the early stages of competition, but when it comes to the real deal final rounds, they’re on their own.)

Thankfully, since I was doing this ~just for me~ there were no strict rules in place. Instead, I enlisted the help of hairstylist Charles McNair and makeup artist Mark Edio to walk me through the looks a pageant contestant might try. They were kind enough to teach me some tricks of the trade, but mostly it was just fun watching my every day dull face transform into something glittery and pageant-ready.

Carina wears: Natori Key Essentials Silk Top, $ 175, saksfifthavenue.com.

Thursday: The Talent Portion

Brayden Olson

Hayes told me that the talent portion of the pageant is the one area that can make or break a contestant’s performance. I mean, *tugs on collar nervously* no pressure or anything.

Since I don’t have a background in performance, I decided to write a demonstrative speech as my “talent” portion for the week. This sparked my interest because I’m zero percent musical or rhythmic, and I didn’t even realize that public speaking was something contestants could do for this portion! Even though I write for a living every day, speechwriting is a whole new ballgame. Tack on the fact that it’s supposed to be a serious speech and I can’t rely on tricks like “*tugs on collar nervously*” to eat up lines in my performance, and it’s doubly hard.

Overall, I was glad I went into this one after warming up my public speaking skills on Tuesday, but it was still challenging. The few times that I gave my speech in front of a mirror, I kept forgetting random words and what came next. I couldn’t imagine having to physically do this in front of a live audience. Props to those girls, honestly.

Carina wears: Banana Republic Velvet Cropped Jumpsuit, $ 149, bananarepublic.com; Urban Outfitters Leather Belt, $ 29, urbanoutfitters.com.

Friday: Volunteer

Brayden Olson

I wrapped up the week by visiting Animal Haven, an amazing shelter here in New York City. Since a big part of pageantry is giving back, it felt only right to put my money where my mouth was. Volunteer duties at Animal Haven can include everything from bathing, cleaning, feeding, walking, and more for the dogs and cats at the shelter.

On my visit, I was able to hang out and “socialize” some puppies. It’s super important to socialize pups when they’re young so that you can avoid any behavioral or health problems when they’re older. Acclimating the pups to lots of different people means they’re also less likely to get jumpy at vet visits, groomings, or just walks about town. Plus, the sweeter they are at the shelter, the more likely they are to get adopted. Important work! But obvi, to me, it mostly felt like just playing with puppies 🙂

Carina wears: RtA Langley Cutout Shoulder Sweater, $ 310, saksfifthavenue.com; Gap Mid Rise Real Straight Jeans, $ 69.95, gap.com.

Drumroll Please…

Brayden Olson

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Being a pageant queen is hard work. It requires balance and commitment to so many different things at once. There are lots of moving pieces, and as soon as you feel good about one thing, you have fourteen other things to think about and consider. Nailed the hand movements and eye contact for your interview questions? Cool, now you have a three-minute speech version of that coming up. You think you know how to do a smoky eye? Okay, well, do it in five minutes and good luck presenting yourself to a panel of judges if you know you’ve messed it up even a little.

Basically, you’ve got to really commit if you want to compete in a pageant seriously. There’s no room for ironic “lol it me” moments when you have to be uber professional on stage all the time. I’d be lying if I said part of me didn’t assume this week would just be dress up fun with, like, a dash of public speaking. Instead, it turned out to be heavy on the public speaking with a dash of dress up fun. Let’s just say I’m going to leave the pageantry to the professionals and enjoy them from the safety of my couch.

Ready to get your own pageant fix? Tune into Queen America on Facebook Watch ~right now~ and maybe you’ll be inspired to take on some new challenges of your own. Seriously though, if binge watching an addictive show was a talent, I’d have earned like 30 crowns…

Carina wears: Oscar de la Renta Blue Sequin Strapless Gown; Aqua Circle Dangle Drop Earrings, $ 38, bloomingdales.com; Aldo Leventer Heels, $ 90, aldo.com.

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