- Author Sony Eguabor
- Published February 22, 2021
- Word count 970
Marriage is the union between two parties i.e. man and woman. Children on the other hand supposed to be one of the products of marriage and not marriage by itself. But depending on the mindset of the couples, some did not see it that way. As human beings are different, so their purpose in marriage is different.
The coming in of a child according to some couples boasts the relationship and it also brings them closer together. It also enhances some couples to have a joint focus on how to keep the new arrival to the family union.
But for some, they might be married for years without children, and it does not disturb their relationship. Also, some prefer not to have children at all during their marriage. This is agreed upon even before getting married. It all depends on the goal the marriage wants to achieve. We are interested in pointing ways to why infertility might run marriages for those who want to have children.
The cultural pressures in our society make new moms and dads ignore their marriages act because of infertility, especially if it lasts for a long time. Infertility itself creates tension in an individual, not to talk of your spouse. Here are 7 ways why Infertility can ruin your marriage.
1: Not Protecting Each Other
When Infertility creeps into a family, especially the newly wedded couples who want children, the unexpected hearing starts coming in. Already tension has been built inside you because of your expectant. Family and friends are naturally also expecting to see changes. Good friends might come politely and ask questions, while others will not. Some family and friends might decide to say it at your back, thereby labeling you barren.
Some of these words you and your spouse will hear others you will not hear. What are you doing with the negative words you hear? Is it bringing you down, or motivating you?
The cause of infertility might be either way. How would you answer those awkward questions from families and friends? How would we defend sensitive comments from strangers? If you don’t agree on protecting each other because of sensitive comments, it would hurt your spouse. Care and caution have to be taken so that such negative comments shouldn’t lead to divorce.
2: When Desperation Creep In
Infertility comes with various thoughts in one’s mind. You think that time waits for no one. You think, “will I be able to ever be fertile”? If you’re a woman, you think about whether you can ever carry a baby in your womb. The thought of when the treatment will last will always come into your mind. Anytime you see children playing, it touches your mind.
All these forms of thought can prompt one to be desperate. When desperation comes in, tension also sets in. Tension because of the underlining factors of desperation can lead to being frustrated that one might put the whole blame on your spouse. Continuous frustration and blame can lead to divorce.
3: Goals in Marriage Are Affected
Some couple’s goals in marriage are to live together as husband and wife and also to have children. While some just prefer living together without children. Children are supposed to be the blessing of marriage and not marriage itself. What if the blessing does not come, how do the couples manage their married life? Nobody wants to be sad, and nobody wants to be infertile. Depending on the couple’s agreement before marriage determines how they will cope if children do not come in. Supposing you have agreed with your spouse before getting married to have children, and unfortunately, it is not forthcoming. This can split the marriage.
4: It Stops Romance
When infertility creeps into a marriage, the joy of the marriage has been impaired. The genuine closeness of the spouse will not be like before. Each party is tensed up and anxious. Romancing which is an act that comes naturally has been withdrawn. It comes any time you have been programmed to have sex because of getting pregnant. Sex becomes mechanical, the same as romance. Couples can overlook this act thinking that it will soon be over. But continuous performance can lead to frustration on any of the spouses and ultimately divorce.
5: Communication Breakdown
Communication breakdown is very common with couples that can’t manage infertility in their marriage, especially if they need a child. After much medication and patience, while treating infertility, either of the couples might decide to be negative in his/her approach to solving the issue. In the process of not hurting each other, either of the party might decide to be silent about it. This can lead to communication breakdown and if not handled well with maturity, can also prompt divorce.
- Tension sets in
The need of having a child after series of medical help has been undergone naturally brings depression. The changes in your mindset when you’re depressed lead to tension. Before the arrival of every monthly menstrual cycle, both parties will be expecting something to happen. Tension even makes it harder for the woman to get pregnant. Tension leads to irritability and with any small misunderstanding, any of the party might flare up. The end product might be a probable divorce.
- Peace of Mind That Brings Happiness Is gone: It is only God that gives peace of mind. When you need something for some time with all necessary things done and what you want is not forthcoming, the truth as a human will be unhappiness. Unhappiness brings forth anger, and if one is angry, you will do what you’re not supposed to do by your real self. Unhappiness from either party can call for divorce.
Infertility that leads to divorce is not the best, but do you blame them ?
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